Thursday, July 08, 2010

A sensitivity

Okay, so it does help to go on a walk, even when I’m so tired that when I drop a bar of soap in the shower, it just seems like a catastrophe to bend down and pick it up. And then I drop it again.

I’m trying to go on at least two walks per day, because I think it helps my sleep, although unfortunately that does nothing to help me feel rested. I’m feeling worse and worse, more and more exhausted, so exhausted that a quick phone call to the bank destroys me. I’m trying to find out about this account I have where there’s no money, I mean it’s linked to another account where I do have money but I can’t remember my passcode and then they ask me questions that I don’t know the answer to, and then it’s like my whole day is ruined, I’m so drained. I just want to know the interest rate on that account -- I’m trying to find the best place to deposit the first installment of the money that’s coming from my grandmother, but I can’t even figure out how to use my own bank account.

Anyway, it does help to go on a walk. Since I don’t have any energy, I walk slower. That helps too. By the end, I feel better. At least a little bit. It’s good to take a break, a break from my apartment. A break from so much eating, I mean the beginning of my day is just one meal after the other, just to try to function, but then there’s the bloating and I can’t function, but I’m still hypoglycemic so I need to eat more.

I almost have a breakdown because the lentils are still hard, are these the ones that never get soft? There was one batch like that -- I cooked them for eight or nine hours and they were still hard. I thought I got rid of them, but maybe they just went to the back of the cabinet and reemerged. I soak a new batch, just in case, but then the ones I’m cooking actually do start to get soft, and then I’m annoyed because what will I do with these other ones that are soaking, I can’t cook lentils two days in a row or I might start to develop a sensitivity to them. I mean an allergy. I already have a sensitivity: I’m sensitive to everything.


Kay said...

Hey Mattilda
Sorry to hear about your fibromyalgia and exhaustion. Not being able to eat stinks. My boy has just had 2 teeth out so I'm feeding him jelly and custard and pureed fruit and mashed potato ... not all together though, that would be gross. My co-worker with fbm has had some success with walking and with yoga and low carbohydrate, high veg diets but she says there's no real secret, just trial and error. Not much help I know but it can get better. Best wishes, Kay

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Thanks, Kay --

It is quite a challenge to figure everything out -- I've been dealing with fibromyalgia for a while, but it's true that it's always trial and error!

As for eating, I do actually eat all the time because I'm super-hypoglycemic so I kind of have to eat constantly -- it's just that lately it all ends up in this terrible gastrointestinal pain that lasts all night, oh no! And then there's the next day...

Thanks so much for writing!

Love --