Monday, October 25, 2010

But then there's my body down here

So many birds chirping today, where are all these birds? I’m out on the fire escape in the soft sun, the sun that happens after rain, the best kind of sun because you know what it means. I’m listening to these birds, chirping like spring but it’s fall and I love this time of year, although where are all these birds? I think these are the type that hang out at the top of a tree with lush foliage, maybe a -- wait, I forgot what those trees are called, the trees from Ralowe’s childhood so she’s the one who told me the name -- but anyway there are all these tiny birds and you can hear them but no matter how much you look you can’t find them in the tree, or maybe you can find them but I can’t, a tree downtown where there are very few, like here, and that makes these birds even better.

A crow lands at the top of the fire escape on the roof of the building next door, a beautiful black crow -- are crows always black? Maybe it’s redundant to say a black crow, but I love birds, that’s what I’m thinking. Going back into my apartment I think wow, I actually feel pretty good today, and then I call Randy on the phone and it’s right in the first word I start to say, somewhere in the middle of that word where I realize oh no, I’m exhausted. It’s not about that word, just about speaking and when you start at the beginning of the day I mean when I start and then suddenly I realize oh, all that energy was in my head, where it usually is, but then there’s my body down here and the way the sinus headache sinks in but still I’ll think about these chirping birds, the black crow, even if it’s redundant, I’ll think about whether there are enough cloudy days in Santa Fe, cloudy days to make the sun mean what I want it to mean and not just something beating down, help, I’m pretty sure I’ll like the winter, I love snow, but first I’ll go on a walk, here in San Francisco, I’ll go on a walk in the sun and hope that this headache doesn’t get worse.

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