Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Down fast

Yesterday I felt pretty good, almost great when I went on a walk, three walks actually and they didn’t tire me out too much. The second one was amazing, the sun setting and those bright desert colors and then the softness of dusk and then I arrived to sign a lease yes a lease I have a new home! A two-bedroom, even, for less rent than I paid in San Francisco for my studio – and so I’ll even be able to have a guest room, I’ve never had a guest room before – even when I lived with three or four or eight people, we didn’t have a guest room. And the best part is that it’s in the perfect location for me, the only area where I can kind of get around without a car, and right behind the corporate health food store – it’s kind of what I fantasized about before I got here, and now I’ve signed a lease!

But then today I wake up feeling awful – it’s so hard to predict when my sleep will be good and when it will be terrible, or even what exactly makes it terrible, because last night didn’t feel that awful. I did go to bed wired, and that kind of kept on going while I was sleeping, so I guess that was the problem. Then the landscapers or whomever were pounding on the door again, just as I was waking up. At least I have a feldenkrais appointment, actually that’s in 10 minutes – better go.

Okay, that didn’t work. Or, maybe it did work, but it didn’t work at making me feel better. Sometimes feldenkrais does make me feel worse, but usually when I already feel this awful it helps. But not right now, I guess. It’s like every little thing I do makes me feel terribly sad and overwhelmed. The sun is going down fast, I better take a shower and go for a walk.

2 comments:

Campbell B. said...

Sorry you're not feeling well again. I hope tomorrow is better! Hooray for finding a home! A two bedroom is awesome--even better when it's cheaper than what you're used to paying. When do you move in?

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Thanks, Campbell -- actually, I generally don't feel well -- sometimes it's worse, and sometimes it's better -- today's better, at least...

And I'm not sure when I'll move in -- my stuff arrives from San Francisco on Sunday, but then I might try to get some of the walls painted in pastel colors before I move in -- I have this temporary rental until December 8, so sometime before then...

Love --
mattilda