Friday, November 19, 2010

This space where I really feel what I want

I keep missing out on my writing time, maybe it’s because I rush outside for a morning walk and then I get tired, or because I’m so focused on finding an apartment and that gets kind of exhausting too, especially since I’m walking around and then suddenly the effects of the altitude will hit me and it’s like I can barely walk anymore. Then there’s the difficulty of using my laptop instead of my usual setup – the mouse especially, what a mess!

Did I mention that there are no emissions laws for cars in New Mexico, or at least no state laws, no smog tests that you have to pass like in California, that’s what someone told me, so maybe that’s why, when you’re standing close to the road and some truck drives by, oh no! So I will certainly have to figure out routes for my walks that don’t involve such close proximity to the fumes, although sometimes it will certainly be difficult to avoid. There’s this thing about the West that I’m starting to understand, the ideology of all these trucks and diesel fumes in a town so famed for health – it’s the keep your laws off my freedom kind of mindset, although I will also say that not a single person has yet questioned by name when I say Mattilda – not one. Not even: what’s your real name? Or: Mitchell? Miltilda? So I’ll take that part of the freedom.

And a Santa Fe phenomenon: realtors without money. Like this one who moved out of his condo to take a job as a building manager, and then he rents out the condo to pay the mortgage. Or the ones who don’t yet have enough money to fix the kiva fireplace, but as soon as you pay them the deposit down they’ll have enough cash. Although then there are the ones that clearly do have money, telling you that they spent $20,000 to stucco that wall, so the other one will wait a while. But it is interesting how realtors and rental agents seem to intermingle, I mean the realtors do it all – like they’ll have a house on the market for $1.6 million, and an apartment for 700 a month – although maybe it’s not the same realtors who represent those properties, but definitely the same agencies.

But let me tell you about the morning sunshine, and all the air yes the air the air and the air. Do you remember those pictures in National Geographic or wherever, the Siberian women in swimsuits and swim caps, sunning themselves against a wall in the dead of winter? It always seemed so crazy, but now I understand. It’s the way that winter really works. At least when I’m sitting on the patio, testing how many layers I can take off, and then it’s just wool socks, shorts, mittens and a hat, and yes the sun on my skin and all this air and I know a naturopath told me that the angle of the sun and the earth doesn’t give you any vitamin D at this time of year, but whatever it gives me is what I need: my body in this place this space where I really feel what I want.

4 comments:

Campbell B. said...

Sounds like you're feeling a little better. I'm so glad! I hope you find an apartment soon. I know how exhausting it can be to search for a place. :-)

--Campbell

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Definitely depends on the moment, oh my! So many crashes every day...

But I do think I've found a place -- and, in the perfect location -- more news once it's finalized, cross your fingers...

Love --
mattilda

kayti said...

I have my fingers crossed and I always cross my legs

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Oh, good -- the more crossing the better -- I mean, unless it involves some kind of God thing, but I know in this case it involves much more...

Love --
mattilda