Wednesday, November 10, 2010

When I wake up, there’s something about the light that means I can’t tell what time of day it is, even when I look at the clock it seems wrong and in my head I feel tired like I could sleep longer but then when I close my eyes again I’m awake and I stay in bed anyway because the clock says it’s early, I don’t want to get up too early and crash but then I’m awake so I get up and go outside. I must still be dreaming because there is so much air and immediately my head clears no opens but no matter how much I think about I can’t tell which direction I’m facing or how sky meets earth or in what direction the sun is coming from and the walls of the buildings are smooth, rounded instead of sharp and I’m standing out on this brick patio facing three oak trees with leaves a bright fall yellow glowing in the light and maybe this dream has something to do with childhood because I grew up with oak trees but they were already huge, these are arranged in a careful line, leaves blowing in my direction and I’m not sure how many of these trees will fit in the small space once they’re grown unless this is a different kind of oak, youthful for a long long time like the way they always say we want to be except then we remember childhood.

Maybe it’s raining because there are clouds so low and I hear something that sounds like rain except I don’t feel it, maybe the drops are so small that my skin can absorb without interruption. I go back inside, into the kitchen to look at another view, a house with a brick chimney, two huge spruce trees behind, also from my childhood, I mean not those trees exactly but spruce trees, huge. Actually these are smaller, darker, maybe a different kind of evergreen and then I go back outside because I want to see what the light looks like now, and right then it starts snowing, flurries hitting my mittens and this happened the last time I visited Santa Fe, I love the snow so much I can’t imagine a better greeting I’m here in all this air I love this air and the light and the sky and now the sun is coming out a little I need to go back outside to figure out which direction.

No comments: