Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Everything changes so fast

Everything changes so fast – one minute I’m sitting here thinking how, how will I do anything? Then I’m on a walk to the co-op, or the place that calls itself a co-op, out in the freezing cold as the sun is going down and oh it’s so gorgeous, especially when I get to the park by the river, the river where there isn’t usually any water but right now there is a little, frozen, and the light through all the shades of tan and green and brown and over there, the mountains oh the mountains and it’s hard to cross the street with all the cars but when I get there I feel so much better. Then I’m back here, thinking how, how will I do anything? I need to mail my change of address forms before I get too tired, I mean I’m already too tired but it’s only a few blocks and the air will probably be refreshing so I better do it now, before I get more tired.

Everything is coming together – I have a beautiful new apartment, I think the air is helping me, I like being here, even when it just seems strange and empty no not when it seems empty but when it seems strange. Or I mean I like it when it’s empty in that way that means more space, but not when it starts to feel empty inside. I still need to figure out certain logistics – I need to find an assistant-type-person like I had in San Francisco, someone to help me with basic things for five or six hours a week, things like cleaning and errands and some computer stuff—that will help me not to feel too overwhelmed, I mean I’m sure I’ll still feel overwhelmed at least once or twice or three times a day, but maybe less overwhelmed. Although I do like the adventures I’m having from going on these walks since the buses don’t really do anything useful for me, at least not yet. I’m seeing a lot, breathing in the chilly air, figuring out this new place and this new place inside

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