Monday, December 06, 2010

A moment like this

Suddenly I understand why people move into furnished apartments – once you’re there for a while, you forget that nothing belongs to you except what you’ve brought, you forget that you could have a space more your own. But now I’m in that space, and at first I’m overwhelmed thinking about how long it will take for it really to become that space. But then I get in my bed, oh yes this soft soft bed but then as soon as I’m starting to drift off someone’s playing really loud music, or maybe that’s just the dryer mixing with the white noise generator but no, it really sounds like beats, maybe I can just let it blend anyway but who is playing music that loud and then finally I decide I have to get up. No wait, first I notice that it sounds like LCD Soundsystem – wait, that’s my music, I guess it turned on automatically or something.

Then it’s so cold because I turn off the heat when I go to bed so my sinuses don’t get too dried out but then actually my feet are so cold that I need to get a third comforter, but I did sleep kind of okay and when I wake up I look at the colors, the way the green and pink walls blend in with my comforter and oh, this is why, this is why I’m here. And the light in my apartment during the day, oh it’s fantastic. All the trees I have out front, these handmade floor tiles and the way each one is a slightly different color, different colors of red and brown and gray, hand laid too so nothing is quite flat and I love that too and then even though my walks to the closest thrift store isn’t as close as I would like it’s still an actual thrift store, can you believe it, I mean really a thrift store with thrift store prices, or at least mostly and I even run into the woman who was selling clothes just down the street from my temporary apartment, I’m back there now since I left my computer because I have the place until December 8 but I don’t have a phone or internet at my new place until December 9 and here I am, first thing when I walked in I think oh, there’s nothing here, it feels so distant in a way that it didn’t feel distant just 24 hours ago although there’s sadness to in the way that all transitions can feel sad so I’ll heat up some food, I left a little just for a moment like this.

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