Monday, December 20, 2010

They make you listen to this all day long

I love it when I put on exactly the music that I need, there’s a beat in my head and the music matches that beat or even better when it doesn’t exactly match that beat but it’s better. I’m starting to dance more in the house, I mean dance more without immediate pain, or at least for the last few days, so maybe that’s a good sign although the bloating has gotten worse or not worse but I hate the way it ruins my sleep because actually my sleep feels kind of deep, except for the bloating. And then I can’t figure out exactly what to take for parasites without making everything worse, Paul Pitchford on the phone said when you take something and there’s that immediate clenching in the gut, that’s deficient yin, time to stop, but what if everything causes that clenching? Anyway, I’m outside sitting in the sun and even though it’s only 42 or so it feels warm, because it is warmer, and there are all these birds chirping, strange the birds that seem to stay here through the winter, I’m not sure, and that that calm through my whole body so maybe I’ll go back inside and dance some more.

Then it’s the next day, and this is the day after the night when my sleep is awful, interrupted because of a sudden clenching in my gut, even if I’m glad that I turned all the way to the other side while I was asleep, still I’m not wired just awake and this lasts and lasts until it doesn’t last anymore and then I’m awake, trying to figure out what music, everything sounds too dark because of that feeling in my head and then I think oh, maybe something old, those clubs from the mid-‘90s, that’s right what I want to hear is “eat ice cream and you’ll lick the floor.” The End of the Earth Is Upon Us.

It’s amazing how long the snow takes to melt, I mean I guess how much water there is, it still sounds like rain coming off my roof and Andee says Mattilda, I can’t believe you live in a town. A town is right, where every walk feels like an adventure, looking at the way the light changes, changes light, changes, and then I’m back at home with a headache again, or no not a headache yet, that comes later, all the dryness in my apartment or maybe in the gallery where somehow I ended up, just because it was open, how ‘60s modernism in all its varieties is so popular here and this gallery was incredibly posh, still they were playing Christmas music and I wanted to ask really, they make you listen to this all day long? But the people working there were the type that don’t even look at you, trash in this gallery where art costs more than you and they did have a nice bathroom.

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