Thursday, December 16, 2010

This time

It’s been snowing all day, and what could be better, the way everything fills with white and oh I love that crunching sound under my feet. It’s finally sticking everywhere except the street, I know I’m going to need to get some salt for my front porch – right now it’s all wet, but once night comes I’m guessing it will freeze, right? It’s been snowing all day, and what could be better, except that I feel horrible. Horrible in that way that I’m trying to figure out what to do, except that I don’t have any energy so why am I trying to figure out what to do? I even went on craigslist, that search for sex in order to escape exhaustion, except at least here there isn’t really anything on craigslist so I can’t get lost.

Earlier I tried to walk to the other bookstore, the one I haven’t been to yet, I mean the one I haven’t been to that supposed to be good, but then I had to get back to my house for the repair person, who canceled because of the snow, and that was right when I was thinking that at least in Santa Fe normal canceled because of snow, I mean it seems like everyone has four-wheel drive vehicles, but I guess not the repair person. Then my phone wasn’t working, so I called that repair person and they give you a glorious arrival time of anywhere between noon and 7:30 pm, except then my phone was working again so I canceled, but it was only working for 10 minutes.

I wanted to go to the last hearing on the Buckman Diversion Project, the monstrous program that means water for Santa Fe will be diverted from the super-polluted Rio Grande, 3 miles from Los Alamos, oh no, but there’s no way I have enough energy to go to City Hall. Instead I’ll watch the snow through my window, blowing off the trees, while too much heat inside dries out my sinuses. I mean too much heat for my sinuses, but still it’s chilly and I don’t want to take a shower because that dries out my skin too much. At least I went to the water purification place yesterday, they gave me a lot of information, yes it could be the chlorine and chloramine and that makes my skin itch after every shower, or the fact that the water here is so hard, filled with minerals like uranium, my favorite, won’t be able to get that out of the shower but reverse osmosis supposedly removes close to 100% of uranium because it’s a heavy element, those are easier to remove. Plutonium is heavy too, right? But they don’t know whether that gets removed, since there isn’t much testing for plutonium in water – not everyone lives right by Los Alamos said the person at the water purification place. True enough, but we do! And most people in Santa Fe don’t even seem to notice, or don’t think it’s a health risk. At the bookstore, no one could even think of a book to recommend about Los Alamos, I need a critical examination of nuclear contamination, not some glowing biography on Robert Oppenheimer—or, wait, what about this new biography. On Robert Oppenheimer.

But I wanted to tell you about the Railyard Park, all the different textures under my feet, before the snow. There’s the grey sand. The sand-colored sand. Gravel. Mulch. Cement. That weird synthetic stuff on the playground. Even some grass. I love all these textures, and the light, especially when it’s dark and the light is coming from the lamps that give everything a strange silhouette. What will the light be like when the sun sets in the snow? I can’t remember what that’s like at all. Even though my body hurts again, I don’t feel like doing more feldenkrais – I just did feldenkrais! I wish my phone was working, so I could call someone. Oh well – more feldenkrais, and then I’ll see how far I can walk this time. But wait – something just happened to my camera as I was trying to take a picture of my new houseplant – this is the houseplant to end all houseplants, I mean a new beginning, a new world of houseplants. But now I can show you, I can only describe the way it reaches all the way from floor to ceiling, literally. It’s a pencil plant, this gorgeous succulent that I was fantasizing about, I mean I was fantasizing about just a small one from a plant store, but then I was looking for a sleep sofa on craigslist and instead of a sleep sofa I found this amazing pencil plant that’s so big it almost has a trunk, growing out in all different directions but especially up, now framing the front window of my apartment in front of the purple wall, and to its left we see snow covering a pine tree and the table and chairs I got from my front lawn, or maybe not lawn because it’s all gravel, but front.
But this plant, this plant is incredible, a desert gem for sure, the kind of thing you’d see at a plant store and think how the hell did they get it that large, then you’d look at the price tag and it would be hundreds and hundreds of dollars, but this woman was giving it away for $30. It was an adventure just to go to her house, that part of Santa Fe or one of the parts of Santa Fe where rich people live on the edge of the world, it’s like you’re in the middle of nowhere, foothills and the horizon, the light so spectacular but it’s not nowhere is this one of the neighborhoods where rich people live so they can feel like they live nowhere, nowhere is the most exclusive destinations here in Santa Fe, just the landscape and you, the landscape and you and the light and this woman said she bought the house as a tear down, so she could sell it, I guess that means she tore it down and then planted aspen trees and created a fake creek in the back but I will admit it was gorgeous. Wilderness they create to sell. But this plant, a desert gem, a desert gem and the snow, and soon, a walk.

3 comments:

thissouthernfaggot said...

I can not handle the sound of walking on fresh snow, at all. It is squeaky, in the same way that corn starch is (and other powders you would bake with (but not baking powder)). I wish I could stand to touch any of these things and not want to vomit

kayti said...

I hope you can take pictures for us again soon.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Thissouthernfaggot, true enough -- it is squeaky! But no, not vomit, no...

(Maybe just looking, but not touching.)

Kayti, I think my camera is working again -- yay!

Love --
mattilda