Thursday, February 17, 2011

Avoid that

I guess I should’ve known when I woke up and thought yes, I did it. As in: I succeeded in falling back asleep. And: I didn’t wake up too early or too late. But then, once I’m out of bed I realize I have this horrible abdominal cramping, yes the terrible bloating again and it makes me feel sad and little and like I need to get back in bed. Even sitting outside doesn’t make me happy, just a little less sad and while I’m cooking I start to think maybe I’m not really awake, just preparing my food in my dreams and then when I wake up everything will be ready.

I guess I need to get back in bed already, that’s what I’m thinking, before I eat anything, so that’s what I do, just for about 20 minutes it turns out and then I feel a little calmer, less drained, clearer for a few minutes and after I eat the bloating isn’t so bad, I go on a walk that actually feels energizing, a purple velvet thrift store hat for one dollar, a few cards across the street where really I was looking for manuscript boxes, and then I’m home again, home again and exhausted, sinus headache pulling that hopeless feeling just above my eyes but I’ll try to avoid that.

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