Tuesday, March 15, 2011

As the light is softening

I guess I go back and forth between thinking it’s incredible to be here and thinking how the hell am I going to last here for much longer? I don’t know what to do with the contradiction exactly, except to find more excitement here. I think the most alienating thing is feeling so separate from a sex life, any kind of sex life, or any kind of life with other fags who I can talk to really -- I mean I’m excited about several new friendships, but no one seems to know any fags at all, aside from cursory acquaintance level. I mean, I talk to the fags at the antique shop, and even made friends with two fags who were shopping at a thrift store one day, but then one of them called and oh my, that conversation. I mean it wasn’t a conversation. There was no hope for it to become one, even.

But then I get so tired I can’t even think -- that’s the biggest problem, really -- a familiar problem, right? Since I’ve already listened to a feldenkrais cd and I just finished the book I was reading, and I listened to almost 3 hours of news coverage on the horrible nuclear catastrophe in Japan, I guess it’s time for a walk yes a walk as the light is softening, my favorite time, let’s go.

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