Friday, April 22, 2011

Clouds illuminated in layers

This is what I mean: it’s that impossibly beautiful time of day just before the sun fades from view and I’m walking my mother back to her hotel. We’re walking down the alley as the sky fills with blues and purples, oranges and reds if you look in the other direction and I can feel that sadness coming on already because here we are sharing something so intimate. Then I’m pointing out the salad restaurant, the tile store, the bakery -- places my mother might want to go to. And I think maybe I should invite her to keep walking, I’m not so tired yet, but actually if we keep walking then I’m sure I’ll be exhausted soon, so we should stop beforehand, we’re already at her hotel it’s so close and she’s glad we’re there earlier this time, last night she couldn’t see anything it was so dark and I wonder if that’s because we’re here in this town where it gets this dark, even right outside a hotel. Although she lived in the suburbs for so long, and it must have gotten this dark there too, right? Maybe now see these to the city, walking outside her apartment I’m sure it’s always light.

She asks me if I want to come up for a drink, some water -- no thanks. She tells me she’s really enjoying this trip, time to go out by herself and time to see me, we hug goodbye and then I do something strange, touch her hand as I’m turning to go, what does this mean exactly, and when I turn the corner to see more of the sunset I see oh, here’s what we were looking at from my mother’s room the other day, Manhattan Avenue, these little houses that are businesses now, I’m walking down the deserted street, not unusual just deserted the way it is, turning to see that stunning sky, clouds illuminated in layers. I want to see those purple ones again but I don’t want to walk too far, already I’m too tired really, drained, exhausted but not worse than before I guess, before my mother arrived, still waiting for that doctor to call back, what is her problem?

Walking through the railyard as the sky gets dark, somehow I actually manage to catch both lights across Guadalupe and Cerrillos on my way home, marveling at the piles of trash or not trash just stuff in these three cars outside one old house, they always pile it up, I mean every seat but the driver’s covered, spilling onto the floor, up to the windshield, then I’m stepping into the pine needles because I like that feeling under my shoes, avoiding the dog shit, dried out at least, the way it gets here, past the two metal dog bowls on the corner, one for food and one for water -- just noticed those the other day, maybe for the dog that walks around on its own, growls at me even when I try to be friendly, and then here I am, back in my apartment where it seems strangely warm, I guess that’s the way it gets now that the weather is warmer, better open the windows more.

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