Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Something better

Lately I’m so tired that I can hardly do anything at all, and then I wonder how on earth it is that I became this tired, and sure I always wonder that but then when it gets worse I really wonder. I mean it feels so constricting, hard to even dream through it, to want anything except something else, something better, something like waking up in the morning and thinking oh, what am I going to do today, not oh, how am I going to do anything?

Today somehow I walked over to the bus station, not the actual bus station but a station where there’s a bus that goes to Santa Fe, I guess an alternative bus station, for Spanish-speaking people it seems, seven hours it takes to get to Santa Fe which is better than the Greyhound which takes eight hours and doesn’t even go to Santa Fe. Eight hours to Albuquerque, which is an hour in the wrong direction. At this station I guess you have to pay in cash, it’s the same fee if you go half the distance or twice the distance, and when I hear they stop in at Raton, New Mexico, I think okay, now I have it figured out – I’ll take the bus to Raton one day, and then the next day from Raton to Santa Fe, because I try not to take any bus that lasts more than four hours, just because it ruins my body and everything else, and with this bus in particular I would have to get up too early or stay up too late and I guess staying up too late would be better, that’s what I’ve decided, but then I worry about how that will affect my sleep, not that my sleep seems to be helping or anything, I mean last night I slept 11 hours, woke up feeling horrible. Like why did I wake up so early? Like maybe if I just stayed in bed I would feel better, but I try to keep my waking time about the same, between 9 and 10 these days, and I don’t really know why except somehow it seems imported, like at least I’m accomplishing something.

So with this strategy I can take the late bus to Raton, and then the early bus will be late enough for me to get on the next day to Santa Fe. But then I get home and I’m looking at hotels in Raton, and the first one I click to says sorry, closed due to wildfires. Oh, great – there’s a fire in Raton too, so much for that idea.

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