Monday, August 15, 2011

Doctors

When I first moved here, and was so excited about all the air – I fantasized that slowly I would be able to take longer and longer walks, until I would be able to walk several miles and not even notice, I mean walk several miles and feel great, better, breathing the fresh air and taking in all the energy from the outside world and growing stronger. Unfortunately that hasn't happened. Most of the time my walks feel shorter; when I walk a longer distance it’s just because I'm pushing myself.

And then the bloating: here it is again, like clockwork – the evening rolls in, all that beautiful light and my belly expanding. I hate it when the homeopath asks questions like: does it hurt to put on pants? It hurts me to think about that. I wanted to call her and tell her some other things I thought of, while she's coming up with a new remedy, but then I keep getting too tired.

But worse -- I'm in the doctor's office, waiting for a shot of vitamin D and why does she always keep me waiting? This time I called right before, to make sure she wasn't running late, but then I've already been here for a half-hour. I get so angry because I'm so tired, so drained that I can't possibly sit here any longer I mean I'm also hypoglycemic and there isn't any purified water here anymore, who ever heard of a holistic doctor's office in Santa Fe without purified water? They stopped carrying it because they ran out of money, but the doctor promised it would be back by last week so you know what to think about her promises. I mean they have one of those stupid PUR things on the sink, but that's pretty much the same thing as drinking tap water. The doctor even said that last time, after I drank some anyway because I was thirsty and I can't possibly carry water all the way there. So I'm dehydrated and exhausted and hypoglycemic and angry as hell and someone starts coughing in the other room so the doctor has to fix the IV and I take that chance to walk outside without saying anything, turn the corner and start heading home because I have to get back by 1:30 anyway and I'm so angry and sad and exhausted and overwhelmed and drained, all because I wanted to do something small to help myself.

6 comments:

Claire Cramer said...

I'm sorry you had such a rough day. The following is in no way a direct response to your post, but I'm going through my email inbox and saw a link to this: http://curetogether.com/blog/2011/08/10/patients-say-fibromyalgia-drugs-make-things-worse-rest-is-best/. My friend turned me on to the site a month or so ago and it's very interesting. Obviously the efficacy of each treatment is going to be idiosyncratic, but I thought the post might interest you.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

So many rough days, oh my! I'll check out this site for sure, always good to have resources, thanks so much!

Love –
mattilda

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

A great study, I agree!

Love –
mattilda

Claire Cramer said...

You're welcome, chicky! So glad I was able to share this with you. The chart for depression has an outlier dot way up in the upper right-hand green corner and dot, thy name is Exercise. I brought my gym clothes with me today. ;)

Claire Cramer said...

Oh, also, I'm curious—do you have any experience with LDN?

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

I think I took it once and it made me so dehydrated it was like there was any possibility that I could possibly drink enough water, so that was all…

Love –
mattilda