Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Waiting

Today I'm stuffed with emotion – sadness, exhaustion, anxiety, all stuck in my body. An edginess that made me walk further, and that was nice, but then there's this feeling in my head. Like everything is squashed in, breaking out, squashed in again. One minute I’m sweating and the next minute I'm freezing – the only constant is this twisting headache in my temples, wrenching me inside. There’s my jaw too: tension. Can I let it go? I don't know.

Today: yes, another day. Same headache, but I didn't notice it until I read about yesterday. No, it's not as bad. But my jaw is. I'm ready to get back in bed, but instead it's almost time to get ready to go to therapy, which is generally more restful than bed anyway. I guess I'll be in bed soon enough – yesterday I felt ready to go to sleep at 8:30 pm – that's a bit early though, right? Remember when I couldn’t go to sleep before 3 AM? I mean, remember those 20 years? And now look at me -- I'm on the schedule that every healthcare practitioner always recommended, but was never possible until a year and a half ago or whenever it switched. All those healthcare practitioners: they always said this would be the thing, the thing that changed everything. I'm still waiting.

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