Sunday, November 13, 2011

Seasonal, just in case

It's funny to think about bringing out a seasonal affective disorder lamp in a place where it's almost always sunny, so sunny that even in the middle of the winter you have to wear sunglasses – even on a cloudy day. But still, here I am, bringing out the seasonal affective disorder lamp – maybe because you have to wear sunglasses all the time, you don't really get enough light through pineal gland, the part that regulates mood and sleep, right? The idea is that the lamp makes you more awake in the morning, so then at night to fall asleep easier. In the past it hasn't worked for me – in San Francisco, it made me too wired at night, I mean I was already wired but then I was really really wired although maybe part of the reason was because I was getting up in the afternoon, and not in the morning, so then I was actually making my brain think it was earlier, and then 3 am came around and I was ready to walk to Texas.

So, mostly the lamp hasn't been used for the last 10 years or so, but I kept it around because it's one of those things that you buy and think, I don't want to get rid of that, just in case, right? So here I am, trying it again. It does wake up my brain a bit, but then as soon as I turn it off I'm tired again. Is it time for bed yet?

6 comments:

davka said...

I noticed when I moved from Pittsburgh, where, as you know, we have brutal winters, to Ojai, where it is always sunny, that I still went into a seasonal depression when winter hit. My only explanation is that the brain has been trained to this clock after so many winters and it comes up habitually or something and then it all just feels fucking worse when it's sunny and gorgeous out and everyone is saying, "it's so beautiful out," but your brain feels like there is a wet towel wrapped around it, heavy, dull, depressed. At least in the Pittsburgh winters I had a great excuse to not go outside, to stay in bed. I wrote in my journal once, "Waiting for summer in summer."

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Davka, this is gorgeous:

"it all just feels fucking worse when it's sunny and gorgeous out and everyone is saying, "it's so beautiful out," but your brain feels like there is a wet towel wrapped around it, heavy, dull, depressed. At least in the Pittsburgh winters I had a great excuse to not go outside, to stay in bed. I wrote in my journal once, "Waiting for summer in summer."

And, can you believe it, but I think the light is helping me, this time, let's cross our fingers because I'm going to need it in Seattle!!!

Love –
mattilda

Lady J said...

I have a difficult time with dusk. The part in the day where the sun is going down but shines brightly against the buildings, while shadows harvest in other areas. I can't stand it.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Lady J, I happen to love dusk, maybe because there's still light out, because as soon as it gets to that pitch dark place. I think oh no…

Love –
mattilda

Lady J said...

So, interesting. Just goes to show how light affects different people -- as well as time. On the weekends I feel as though the day ends at 3 o'clock. I find this incredibly depressing as there really is much more to the day. I feel like my time is very limited by 3 and then before I know it my day is over and I have less of a weekend left. I always feel blue on Sundays.

I am fine during the day when it's light, and then I feel terrible during dusk and then I'm okay once it's completely dark.

As far as weather and light, I am actually more pleased on overcast days. I enjoy light only some of the time, and I hate hot weather. I live in California so I get plenty of it. I'd be happy if it were 68 degrees every day.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

It's true – light is such a crazy thing – sometimes I do feel more calm on cloudy days, especially here where the sun is so bright – I hope that feeling lasts when I move to Seattle, oh my!!!

And yes, yes, I, too, hate hot weather, that's for sure…

Love –
mattilda