Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Time to start packing

Actually, this walk feels nice. The sun in the middle of the day at this time of year is comforting – not overwhelming like when it’s warmer, makes me feel calm instead of jumpy, don't need to worry so much about getting burnt. I'm walking to the pollution intersection at St. Francis and Cerrillos to look for a protest but there's no protest there so then I walk too far because I'm guessing I won't make it out for another walk today, after dark it gets colder and then it just feels like too much work to put so many layers on, go outside with my shoulders all tense.

Last week I was craving Denver – thinking about the independent theater, the bookstores, even the Colfax bus. If there was a train I could take to get there and back, I would have gone for sure, but it's too complicated to go there before I leave in two months. I need to be in the city, but the only one that's easy enough to get to – Albuquerque – just feels like more of nothing. Is it really worth taking the train an hour and a half in each direction to go to Buffalo Exchange and a used record store downtown?

Today I've been thinking about different intersections in Seattle, feeling the softness of the rain on my face, walking around Capitol Hill, and actually thinking about it right now I almost have tears in my eyes. Really. So, maybe that means is the right place to go. To move, I mean, even if I'm worried about all of that darkness and mold.

I was looking online at temporary rentals yesterday, saw this place that looked nice enough, they mentioned it was sunny all the time which I knew really meant that there was light coming in the windows, and then I noticed the location: exactly where I want to be. I've even started to think I could live in one of those motel-style ‘70s atrocities, as long as they've taken out the carpet, even if those buildings have always made me shudder, I mean I started to think one of those buildings might be the best option for the most space, and maybe even a balcony. See how I'm thinking about all the details already? Have been for several months now, really.

Remember: if and when I move to Seattle, I need to be in this one part of Capitol Hill, within a few blocks of the co-op, the big independent bookstore, the small independent theater, and the terrible sex club that I'm ready to endure, or at least investigate, once again. I need to be within a few blocks of all of those things, in an apartment with enough sunlight and no mold, so that I can actually function. I mean, when everything gets so dark and seasonally depressed, I'll still be able to go just a few blocks for my basic needs. That's what I'm hoping for, planning for.

It's ironic that the first city I'll visit on my book tour will be LA – all that pollution and sprawl, I can't imagine it will feel like the relief I want. And then, San Francisco: what will that be like? I know when I first got to Denver, and I couldn't believe all the people out in the streets. Will it even feel like that in LA, where it's always seemed like no one’s on the street? What will it feel like walking down familiar blocks in San Francisco, noticing the air shift as I move from neighborhood to neighborhood? People say that when you live in a high-altitude area, and you go somewhere that’s at sea level, suddenly you have all this extra energy. Will that happen for me, or will I be so exhausted from the train, the pollution in LA, the travel – so exhausted that I just feel worse? I guess soon enough I'll find out – in a few months, that is. Time to start packing.


Sipowicz said...

I'm thinking about Berkeley myself Mattilda. Let me know if you have any suggestions for that town, i'm going to check it out next week.
Maybe our paths will cross again somewhere darling ~
love to you,

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Sipowicz, lovely to hear that you're checking out options, and can't wait to hear what you think about Berkeley – it's not the place for me – for better or worse, I'm a San Francisco girl, so if I lived in the Bay Area, I can't imagine living anywhere else. And, definitely don't want to live in the Bay Area right now!

And, still plenty of time for our paths to cross again in Santa Fe, of course – was just thinking of calling you, actually :)

Love –

AlexXXY said...

Move to Seattle. Sure it rains a lot but your surrounded by queer culture and the kind thats matured instead of the latest PBR hipster fad.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

But wait, I love PBR hipster fads -- just kidding :)


nadine said...

Mattilda, you're going to find so many more opportunities in Seattle. A vibrant city, breathtaking natural beauty, the ocean, connection, support, community... and so much more! It will happen. Terrific people- not hordes of hipsters! xo


mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Nadine, I hope so!!!