Thursday, December 15, 2011

The next day

How do I describe this horrible place in bed, in my head? Yes, the bloating woke me up, nowhere to turn, as they say. I keep turning anyway, sitting up, lying down, it's all pain – not just in my belly, I realize, but my whole face hurts now, shoulders, arms, and this is when I start to panic, will I ever fall asleep. I mean I go I will fall asleep but will I ever feel better? I came here to feel better; it didn't work. Now I'm leaving. Will that help?

How will I go on a book tour, why am I planning a book tour? How will I get to feldenkrais tomorrow, I need to get to feldenkrais because it will make me feel better but already I'm afraid of how awful I'll feel when I get up, after falling back to sleep, eventually. Sitting up, lying down, rubbing my belly – still more bloating. Is this because of the goldenseal I took earlier, worried that the cold that never quite went away was coming back? Goldenseal is endangered, they say; I feel endangered. Why the goldenseal? Because it's the only thing I can think of that I did differently.

Eventually, yes, eventually. And then. The next day. A shower. I'm going to get my hair cut, and even that sounds awful. I guess I'll get ready, anyway.

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