Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Sadness and snow

Oh, no – construction next door at some hideous time in the morning, why the fuck are they starting so early? At first it seems like an okay time to wake up, but then it's not, no not at all, and I start wondering about all the noise in bigger cities, what will it be like in Seattle? In the past I always thought of Seattle as quiet, but now I'm sure it will seem like total insanity, at least at first, although actually I'll be in San Francisco for a month beforehand, in a sublet on my old block, and that will definitely seem like insanity so maybe Seattle will feel calm.

I remember when I got to Denver, and I couldn't believe how many people were out of the street – I couldn't figure out if there were actually a lot of people out of the street, or if I was just so used to seeing no one. I mean there were a lot of people out on the street, and actually lately I've been missing Denver – it was easier to get there, I would go on a trip before my big trip, because who knows when the hell I'll be back in the South/Southwest trajectory once I leave – too late now. But, if you ever want to feel worse than you're already feeling, I have the perfect doctor to recommend – yes yes, my very own doctor, remember how she likes to ask: do you think you would know if you felt better?

Really? But, this time, she says: do you think you can get better? Um, I’m here at the doctor's office, right? To hear you say this shit! Like we’re on some New Age quest – but yes, really, I do everything I possibly can to try to feel better, and nothing helps, especially not listening to you! I wish I said that, but instead I listened to her lack of ideas – this time it actually felt like she had given up – in a month I'll be gone, time for more useless doctors. No no, let's have a useful one, okay? First a shot of vitamin D, and then a walk home through sadness and snow and oh, oh, oh.

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