Thursday, December 22, 2011

Some amazing dream

I wake up earlier than usual, and I can't tell if it's a good sign. It does mean that my sleep wasn't interrupted in a dramatic way, or it doesn't necessarily mean that, but in this case that happened to be true. Do I feel better? That's what I can't tell. So I close my eyes, to see if I need more, more of my eyes closed. And then I still can't tell, a half-hour or so goes by and then I force myself to get up.

Lethargy: that's what started to happen a few months ago, or maybe it was a few weeks? No – with the start of winter, that's what it was, less light, wanting to stay in bed more. Now I'm up earlier, and oh no – horrible horrible bloating, so much pain and I go outside in the cold to sit in the morning air and light anyway. Oh – it's snowing – those big chunky flakes that blow with the wind this time, into my face, so soft. And then the sun's out too, reflecting off the snow and I can pretend this is some amazing dream I mean I don't have to pretend, for a moment at least, because that's what it feels like.

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