Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Otherwise they blow around too fast

I made it to Steamworks – this time I notice the musty smell, the way the darkness doesn't seem that alluring after all, the way it gets more desperate later on, which isn't that late actually – 11 pm is late for me now, right, and I've been walking around in square-shaped circles for way too long now. Eventually it's over, and strangely I sleep better, but not well enough to avoid feeling knocked-over after my walk that's getting too familiar except for the sights of new flowers, a different garden, maybe even the fish in the pond that's way too small it's not even a pond really with all that cement a large bowl. The fish are amazing and graceful anyway, but gracefully trapped is more sad than inspiring. Here I am again, trying to make what I can with this glazed day, trying to bring this exhaustion into calm, trying to spread the sleepiness into something that feels expansive anyway. I closed my windows, because it's cold today, even though some people still walk around in shorts and I wonder how. Not all of my windows – I keep the one in the bedroom open at all times, I can't help it. The thing about these windows if you can either have them open all the way, or close, because otherwise they blow around too fast. Or maybe I can have them open a crack, but it's kind of nice with the bedroom and kitchen open, cross-ventilation, and then the quiet in the living room: computer sounds, humming cars, birds in the distance, something boiling, what boiling? Oh, I must have left the beans on. No, something else – maybe the refrigerator? Here comes the sun, and I'm ready for bed, again.

No comments: