Thursday, June 07, 2012

My new friend

I hate the Castro, I say, but then I realize he doesn't know what I'm talking about – he says try Tremont Street in the South End, so I drive over there and at first it looks like there's nothing but brownstones, but then I find this café, Mildred’s, that looks really snotty, with marble tables and a tile floor, mineral water on each table and fake Andy Warhols on the wall but there’s a dyke and a fag who work there who are really friendly and they let me order just peppermint tea and sit there for as long as I want, while I write in my journal, like in San Francisco. The rest of the street is mostly just posh restaurants, although there is a new gay bookstore that mostly just looks like it has picture books and then the Eagle. But the craziest part is that if you walk in one direction, it's gorgeously restored brownstones with sculpted bushes in front and pretty much all white people, but then a few blocks in the other direction it's and it’s black people and liquor stores and boarded-up buildings

I'm not even going to tell you about my classes because that's just depressing. Aki wants to try ecstasy for the first time so I style my hair into curls and then use the big silver clips for diagonal drama, put on that dress Brenda gave me when we were still friends, a black dress with racing stripes that’s kind of tired for a woman at this point but on me it’s delicious because of the humor, or that's what I think anyway. Then I add thigh-highs, and those clips that look like garters, and when I go to pick up Aki he's all excited about his plaid bondage pants – I can tell he's trying to copy me, but luckily I'm not wearing plaid tonight and he's doing it wrong anyway – I wouldn't be caught dead in bondage pants, especially not the ones he got at Gaultier.

Okay cool, Aki says, like it's a question, and I start laughing – he always picks up my phrases from things I say, moves them somewhere else where they don't really make sense. I didn't even realize I said okay cool all the time until he started saying it. I still don't understand why someone from Japan who buys his clothes at Gaultier would be going to Providence College. He says it's a practice his English. As soon as we get to Quest, this queen with bleached hair and plucked eyebrows comes up and says I haven't seen you around before, and I say that’s because I live in Providence. Do you need anything, she says. Ecstasy. I only have one hit left, she tells me –I was saving it for myself, but I can sell it to you for $25. It's pure.

I've heard that before. Aki and I snort a tiny bit and oh my, this is the real thing. Aki’s giggling and then quiet, and I can feel my eyes getting big. Then we pour the rest of the capsule into our cocktails and wait for it to kick in. These stupid fags keep flipping up my dress, at least I'm wearing the pink flowery boxers. The lights are amazing, but it's already time to go. Let's take a cab to the Loft, I say, I shouldn't drive. Of course the only straight guy at the Loft is trying to pick me up: you're awfully cute, he says. And then: are you a man or woman? And: what's going on down there?

I just want him to get away, so I can let my eyes roll back. Everyone here is on X, I guess there are still ecstasy clubs in Boston, what a relief. In San Francisco everything switched to crystal and that’s a nightmare. This is probably the only place in Boston where people are actually friendly – if ecstasy were only cheaper, I would give it to every snotty queen in town.

Of course there are the older guys lurking on the sidelines with beady eyes narrowing in on some cute boy who can hardly open his eyes – oh, you love me, really? I love you. No, really, I. Love. You.

I just want to look at the lights but everything’s too loud, all the darkness and red is taking me in the wrong direction I'm edgy instead of calm and I just want to feel this place in my head so intense like nothing in the world this glorious place not here I can't breathe so Aki and I pick up our coats and go for a walk outside. Even though that means we can't go back without paying again, but yes this air, yes, we’re holding hands and gazing out for the journey but then there's a gust of wind and I am cold it wasn't cold before but now it's freezing and that's when I start to crash. I'm looking up at the John Hancock Tower, all those clean lines and she’s my new friend, Andrea, my new friend in Boston and Aki starts to giggle – my new friend, he says, but I think he means me. We sit on a bench in Copley Plaza leaning against each other and looking up at all the lights on in the building through glass and I can imagine myself up at the top, beaming down, I guess we're sitting for a long time because the sky starts to change and I'm shivering and I guess we better find the car.

No comments: