Thursday, September 06, 2012

Am I going to come down


And then the room goes dark again, I'm living a different life, is this my life?  Everything surges to my head or maybe it's down to the ground, I can't tell; I'm holding onto the wall so I don't fall. Sean is talking, I can't believe how high I am, what drug did I just do? Sean says it's K but I don't believe her, there must be something X in this; or something else.  I've never felt this exact high before.

            Then I can't think again, the music's so loud. Sean says he wishes the music was louder so I know it must be soft but it feels like it's coming from the inside of my head and I wish I could get up but I can't.  I ask Sean to hold my hand and then everything is lighter, I'm clearer but how did I get here and am I going to come down?

            I keep going into the other worlds, I don't know how to explain them.  They're the outsides of touch, the insides of feeling turned over and over, flip, over and over.  Then still, the world rushing through me but slow, I'm stuck.  I realize that Sean isn't just some random fag from Lancaster, Pennsylvania who always wears that same overcoat because he says it's expensive, really expensive, not an overcoat I guess although I always call it that, more like a raincoat, is it raining but now I realize Sean has created this new drug and he’s testing it out on me.  How can I get more of this drug?

            Then there's another window and Sean is whispering something, I think he wants to go but I can't move; I hope he doesn't leave me here.  Then a wave moves down and now I'm kind of back, lower at least, closer and I can barely hear the music though the lights are way up.  I say I just went deep, and then I'm gone again, there's a fog in the room I'm in the fog.

            Okay: I can barely walk, one twentieth of a step at a time and I'm holding my purse that suddenly feels so heavy like I'm carrying everything in my life until we're outside, did everyone notice how messy I am? Yes, outside, yes, I'm glad we're outside, it was the right decision.

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