Monday, September 17, 2012

Between trees

But let me tell you about when they cut down all the reeds, I stood there so startled like someone had punched me, it just fell down into my guts and I was totally sober, no drugs or alcohol just that mad desire for desire and then I walked over to the center of the park by this one big tree and it was like 10 or 20, maybe even 30 guys grabbing onto one another, another tree almost and damn I wanted to be in the center so badly but then once I was there I realized everyone was too frantic, I'm not sure why, maybe because of the exposure, but then this one guy started grinding against me and suddenly there was so much passion, tasting his lips, tongue, cigarettes and beer and something rancid too and we stumbled back and almost fell but really walked hugging he pushed me up against this other tree, kind of exposed but didn't matter to me all I wanted was his body on mine we’re here, we are here for each other and sure I know it won't last but still while it lasts it really lasts.

One day it would be wonderful to actually hold someone who can hold it all but everyone's too afraid of me in Boston, and then when someone isn't too afraid I get so confused like could he really be attracted to me and then I can't say anything. But my point is that in the Fens you don't need to say anything you just search, sometimes it can be depressing too when everyone is staying away or looking at me like bitch stay away but almost always I eventually get to that supreme moment of spaciousness, usually sooner more than later I mean it's not hard to get me on my knees and goddamn I need those moments, but oh, I should tell you this story, it's kind of funny, this guy who came right up to me and said you look like a GQ model, what are you doing here?

Now, I'm pretty sure there's no one in GQ with fluorescent hair, but that did sound kind of promising and he was pretty cute, but he didn't even want to make out, he said I was too special. This was back when the reeds were still there, he was standing right at the beginning of the promenade, but not going inside just staring at me like I was some kind of wonder but I guess I was too special even to talk to, because pretty soon he was making his way through the reeds without me.


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