Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Did I do something wrong


Oh, right – my date, have I ever gone on a date before? It's funny how someone who I didn't really notice suddenly seems like the hottest guy in the world, now that he's interested in me. The way his eyebrows arch, but not artificially, those big pink chapped lips, the way he keeps looking at me and I'm not even sure what we’re talking about, just glad that he hasn’t asked me whether I have a new job, since then I would have to say I'm a hooker and then this would be over.

Good thing these cocktails are so strong and Bruno doesn't even think that pizza without cheese is strange, he says his mother used to make it that way sometimes, she said it was more authentic although Bruno’s Greek and Lebanese so neither of us know what his mother meant by that. He only lives a few blocks away, so of course we had over to his place – must be really expensive but his apartment is kind of depressing, I mean it faces an air shaft mostly but the worst part is that there's nothing on the walls except a mirror with a big old frame, no books really, a huge TV, a bed with a plaid comforter and luckily we’re on that right away, he's grinding up against me yes his tongue tastes so good, I mean vodka and orange juice just like me but it's nice to be so close to someone and when he takes off his shirt his skin is so pale with such dark hair and I love it when he wraps his arms around me and squeezes tight and two of my ribs make a cracking sound, can't believe how hard he is when he pulls off his pants, when I was a kid I used to worry that there was something wrong with me because my dick curves so much and I would wonder if I was really hard. Now Bruno's he’s behind me, biting my neck which feels great, and then there’s his dick poking at my asshole which is fine but then his voice changes, suddenly all deep and filled with masculine stupidity: you really want me to fuck you, don't you, yeah, you really want my cock inside you, yeah you want it don't you.

Oh, no – what just happened, before he was so shy and well-mannered and now it's like I'm with someone in a bad porn video and where is my voice? I start to pull away but he pulls me closer, spits on his dick and grabs me and somehow his dick just goes right in without even hurting that much, has that ever happened before, startles me and suddenly I'm kind of frozen I fall onto my stomach now he's thrusting on top of me, hand pressing into my back and yeah, he's saying, yeah you want it, yeah — finally I pull away as hard as I can, his dick slips out I turn towards him and he looks surprised, says what's wrong?

So much is wrong, but I don't know how to say it. I just say I don't really want to get fucked right now, and he says oh, you want me to put on a condom, reaches into his nightstand drawer, pulls one out, opens it and slides it on his dick, lube, pushes me onto my back and climbs on top of me, what's going on? He's grinding up against me, panting, grunting, not even kissing me anymore, it's like I'm in bed with someone who's possessed and I say listen, this isn't working, but he’s poking at my ass again anyway so I pull myself away, stand up and say I think I have to go.

Suddenly he looks like a little kid: what's wrong, he says? Did I do something wrong?

I don't even know where to start, so I just say why don't we talk about it later. I find my clothes in a bundle on the floor and I realize I'm kind of shaking. Bruno's looking at me with the saddest look in his eyes – oh, okay, he says. I'm dressed but he’s still shirtless and so cute; now I just feel awful, like I'm a horrible person for hurting this guy who just turned into a monster. Exposed brick on the wall behind his face is what I notice, faded flowers in the hallway carpet, outside everything seems faster, the T is so close to his apartment and for a moment I think about living in the Back Bay but it's too expensive and do I want that anyway. I do like Bay Village, the way it gets all dark at night and everyone's out on the street. Here’s the T, and then back at home I call JoAnne.

4 comments:

kayti said...

This story is so sad I wish it were less real and more fiction. Like maybe this guy will not be a monster two lives from this one.

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Thank you, Kayti -- what could be a better compliment than fiction that is too real?

Love –
mattilda

thissouthernfaggot said...

"...but then his voice changes, suddenly all deep and filled with masculine stupidity: you really want me to fuck you, don't you, yeah, you really want my cock inside you, yeah you want it don't you.

Oh, no – what just happened, before he was so shy and well-mannered and now it's like I'm with someone in a bad porn video and where is my voice?"

Yes, yes, yes! This has certainly happened to me quite a few times and it's one of the things I am most turned off by. Please, have awful breath, but don't do this! I sometimes wonder if these experiences are part of the reason I generally try to avoid buttsex...

mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

I can't deal with awful breath, either :)

Love –
mattilda