Monday, September 24, 2012

If you return

The bedroom light is blue and he wants to take my clothes off for me, sure, then I'm standing there naked and he’s petting my skin — so smooth, he says. Thank you. Do you want to take your clothes off too, yes, so he holds his arms up and I pull off his sweater for him: the scary thing is that his body is all bones. I guess I noticed before that his face was kind of gaunt, but I thought maybe that was just the dark facial hair and pale skin, but now I can see all of his ribs, and when he takes his pants off his dick looks strange kind of standing up, like it’s too healthy for his body but I get on top of him in bed anyway and he groans, I kiss him on the lips and he kind of gasps. I can feel his hard-on under my chest, I'm starting to get hard too from the pressure of our bodies even though when I look at his face in this light I can only really think about death.

Lie down next to me, he says, and then he's touching me way too softly and I'm trying not to cringe. I try to guide his hand so the touch is firmer but he keeps changing it—it's funny how I could sit in the living room doing nothing for several hours and it could feel totally relaxing but now it's just a few minutes in bed and I want to cringe but he moves my hand to his dick while he grabs mine, I spit in my hand and he says oh, that's great, just like that, oh, this is so nice, oh, you're such a nice guy, oh, and then when he comes he spasms really fast and lies down on the bed, I look at the clock: 4:30, that means $400.

He asks me if I want a towel, sure. I go to the bathroom and when I get back in the living room he counts out the money, tips me two extra 20s, thank you, and he asks if he can call me sometime so I give him my pager number. It's funny when we go outside, because it doesn't really feel much darker than inside and the drive seems shorter, maybe because the streets were quiet before but now they're deserted and I'm starting to wonder about Sean and Abby. Ehe trick says he can tell I'm a really smart guy, and then he asks me if I'm in school. For some reason I don't feel like pretending, so I say too smart for school and he says I think I know what you mean. When we get to the block he says are you sure I can't drop you somewhere else, it’s awfully late, and I say no, this will be perfect, I'm going to meet my friends, and he says I've really enjoyed my time with you tonight and I hope we can make this a regular thing.

I hope so too, actually, especially since I quit my job at Uncommon Clout. I guess I didn't really quit, I just couldn't deal with going in anymore after the second day of doing those surveys. Everyone else liked the surveys better because we got paid $15 an hour and didn't have to make any commissions, but all of the questions were about smoking so I knew we were getting paid by Philip Morris or something horrible like that and then I just couldn't get myself to go in again. I mean credit cards are gross, but not as gross as Philip Morris.

It's funny, too, because that boy at work who was always watching me, who asked me questions about my hair dye and my purse and my nails and pretty much every piece of clothing I wore, I just thought he was some clueless straight guy but turns out he’s gay because he asked me out on a date. A date — I don't even know what that is, but when he said that I looked at him closer for a second and I realized oh, he's kind of hot, and I guess I get confused whenever someone's flirting with me so then I looked down.

But now I'm back on the block, deserted, although when I get to my car there's a note from Sean saying she and Abby are out looking for me, at the police station, area D, whatever that means — really, the police station? And then a second note, saying now they're at the Loft, make sure to page her if I return, there are payphones directly behind me. If I return — has it really been that long?


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