The twins look

Then we’re getting ready for Quest, or not getting ready really just waiting until it's late enough, and I get a trick, which turns into another trick, which turns into $350 and somehow I don't even think about throwing my purse on top of all the other bags like usual, tonight we are taking a taxi home, that's for sure, but then when we're getting ready to go I look in my purse and there's nothing there. I mean there's my face powder, my keys, and nothing else. I’m so angry, and no one seems to understand. Listen, I say, I just sold my ass for that money, these fucking bitches think they can talk about you like your trash, and then steal all your fucking money, what is wrong with this town? And then when we get home I'm still angry so I decide to make a flyer and hand it out next week and Abby thinks I'm joking but honey, I'm going to make the flyer, and then we'll hand it out next week, okay?

Kinko's glamour and then we actually do hand out the flyer, right at closing so we can give it to everyone. No one knows what to do. They just look at me like I'm joking. I am joking. Sort of. I mean I'm joking that I think they're actually going to care.

But I have to update you about our photo booth pictures, right? I don't even know where I stopped last time, but I guess the best place to start is with pregnant twins. Abby and I are trying and trying to think of the best outfit for the fucking White Party, who are they kidding, throwing a White Party at Avalon? And at first I’m thinking matching bloody wedding dresses, but even though we have like 15 wedding dresses from Dollar-a-Pound it turns out they're all so small around the waist that we would have to wear them as necklaces. Or bracelets. And honey, as you know, we are skinny girls. Just the wrong type of girls, I guess. In case you didn't know.

So then I think what else indicates purity like pregnancy, so Abby and I head over to Woolworth’s and get the ugliest possible matching nightgowns, bouncing balls to enliven our figure, curly reddish-brown wigs and even matching size 14 women's Keds – I knew Woolworth's was the answer, we barely even spend $20 each, thanks to low prices and a little bit of label changing.

We smear a little lipstick on, I mean a lot of lipstick, add some bags under our eyes with eye shadow and then we are off. It's kind of intense that everyone at Avalon wants to punch our babies — I mean literally three different guys who we don't even know, winding their arms around like we are just walking punching bags, modeling the quintessential fatherly behavior I guess. In the photo booth we are trying to show off the baby-in-waiting, but mostly you just get to see us laughing, oh well.

And what are these ones from? I'm wearing the gorgeous floor-length polyester floral dress, and I'm doing that new thing where I spike my hair and pull the top up into a point, kind of like an antenna, and then I make the front into a triangle. Oh — this is when Abby cut her hair really short and bleached it, we look pretty messy.

Then there are the ones from the Children's Museum — yes, the children need them. I've got my hair down on my forehead almost into triangles like argyle matching my tights, and Abby actually looks kind of tough and manly. But don't tell her I said that. My spit curls go almost all the way down to my mouth, hello.

Then there's the photo where I've arranged my silver clips into diagonal lines, plus big red flower earrings and honey, you won't believe it, I'm shirtless with the quilted floor-length skirt and a target painted on my chest with lipstick. Abby is going intellectual with glasses and a frilly nightgown.

But yes, look at these, another twins event when we take all this thick black rubber tubing that I found on the street, and wrap it around our necks and honey that shit is heavy but it sure does look good, like we’re modeling runaway space couture and don't forget the matching pink terrycloth dresses. For some reason Abby looks like she's going to bite my eyebrows off and I have the clips attached to my ears this time, pointing out to the world. Everyone thinks that's painful, which adds to the allure.

Next, Abby's makeup starts to get dramatic, after she learns the eyebrow thing from Madison, although truth be told I like the messy look better. Abby’s wearing my fluorescent pink dog collar. I know you can't see fluorescent pink in a black-and-white photo, but I'm just saying. Abby's hair looks flawless, how did she get that wig arranged into the cutest curls and we're chewing on opposite sides of a pair of eyeglasses, sisters indeed, those weird crystalline blue glasses without lenses that sometimes I wear for extra wackiness. And then the photo booth breaks again.