Sometimes I feel like I have no way of figuring out when I'm going to feel moderately okay and when I'm going to feel awful. Like yesterday I thought I slept alright, I mean I definitely slept more, and then the whole day I could barely function at all. And then today, similar kind of sleep, I mean I woke up way too early but then fell back asleep, but this time not for as long, although I did feel energized in bed, and I got out right at that moment, maybe that was the key.
Except then I went to feldenkrais, and instead of making me feel better it made me feel worse. It annihilated me. Because of the carpet fumes, for some reason they were back, maybe because the heat was on? In any case I was lying on the table and I couldn't get to the calm in my head or in my body, at some point Sheri said do you feel safe here and no, no, I didn't feel safe at all I mean I couldn't breathe and then when I left my head felt flattened. Because of the poison, and what will I do next time?
Then an interview for the Seattle Gay News and it was fun and connected, it actually made me kind of happy, calmer, here's the calm, getting ready for a walk in the rainy dark, yes turn the lights back off.