Tuesday, June 11, 2013

How each toe leads to a different window in my head

Oh, Cats, Sean says — let's watch Cats.
I'll go upstairs and run the water.
Yes, I think, as I throw my clothes into the laundry, just enough time to take a shower, oh, a shower, yes, the cold floor under my feet, yes, the way the light sparkles on the glass, on the blue tiles, yes, the mirror and my body, this body, the smell of my sweat, they’re right when they say soft skin. And the water in my nose, this peppermint soap, oh, I love this peppermint soap.
But wait, I’m supposed to be running the water for a bath, right, a bath. Okay, better dry off, better dry off — oh, this towel is so soft, so so soft, I love this towel. Okay, time to go in the other bathroom and get the tub ready, right, that’s what I was doing, getting the tub ready. Yes, this robe, oh, this robe. Oh, bubble bath, smells like strawberry I like strawberry – yes, these bubbles are so pretty, I love the way each bubble is a different size, all the colors inside and maybe even little people are those really little people — hello, little people, hello.
Let me adjust the lights — up, or down? Or up?
Downstairs and I sit on the sofa with the girls. Avery says oh, this robe. You are so soft. I touch her hand: oh.
Sean says wait, it's almost the ending.
I go in the kitchen — I love this kitchen. There’s so much light. Does anyone want orange juice? Vitamin C. Yes, vitamin C. wait, did they hear me? Orange juice, does anyone want orange juice?
Oh, the bath — shit, the bath. I rush upstairs and the bubbles are spilling over the edge — that’s okay, it’s fun to wipe them up. I get back downstairs downstairs just as Sean is pressing off on the remote control.
Oh, how was it? No, don’t say it — don’t say it! What music? What music should we put on? Moby, Everything Is Wrong? No, that doesn't sound right. Moby Ambient? That might be too quiet. Pussy Tourette. You love Pussy Tourette.
Pussy Tourette. In Hi-Fi.
Let's bring the orange juice upstairs. Towels — let me get towels.
Oh, no, Sean knows all the words: “"Hey good-looking daddy, you're looking kind of spent—searching for a baby, who needs to make the rent."
I'm the first in the tub because all I need to do is throw my robe on the hook, good planning. Avery’s looking at me in that way again. I actually like her shirt now, the flowers are really pretty, I didn’t notice the flowers before, pink on pink.
I guess I'm looking at her in that way too, even though I'm trying not to.
When Sean takes off her clothes, you can see her ribs and it’s kind of scary. I guess you can see my ribs too, but hers are poking out. She has all these pouches with straps on underneath her khakis, like she's in the military or on a camping trip. Camping, right, camping.
I guess I'm staring, because Sean says what, my dick isn't big enough for you? And then she jumps in the tub and I turn the jets on — oh, the jets.
“Je suis oh so hot, vous voulez ma twat.”
And Avery's saying vous voulez ma twat, vous voulez ma twat. Twat twat twat twat twat.
I lean back and close my eyes. Avery's rubbing my foot and it feels so good. Sean says French bitch, French bitch, French bitch. And then my other foot, and it’s amazing how each toe leads to a different window in my head and when I open my eyes I realize Avery’s rubbing one foot and Sean the other and I can feel myself getting hard or not getting hard but feeling like I'm going to get a hard and I wonder what they notice.
Let's sit together, I say, so we all move over to one side of the bathtub, even if it means that we can’t all feel the jets. First I'm in the middle and it’s almost like we’re all one big body breathing in and out except I can feel my edges or no, Sean’s edges poking against me and maybe it’s too much the way I can feel the look in Avery’s eyes or is it my eyes and so then I say let’s switch places, birthday girl in the middle!

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