Am I okay? I don't know – I don't know I don't know I don't know. But it feels good to be with you. And this time Avery sticks his tongue out before it gets to my mouth so I grab his cheeks and hold him right in front of my face, licking his tongue in a circle down to his chin, sucking on his chin, stubble, around to his ear, bitter, behind his neck, salty, and then holding him from behind, let's go upstairs.
In the bathroom I'm unbuttoning his shirt and he's pulling off my sweater but wait, one at a time. Who goes first? Should we flip a coin? I don't have any. Kiss me again.
I'm unbuttoning Avery's shirt, and he says you're so beautiful.
You're so beautiful.
I don't know about that.
You are — just look at those eyes. And your eyelashes, like in a movie. Your curly hair. The hairs on your chest. Your lips. Your armpits, let me feel your armpits, such soft hairs so soft. The back of your neck, oh I love the back of your neck and the freckles on your back.
I have freckles on my back?
Yeah, little tiny brown freckles, just in the middle and nowhere else.
Let me take off your shirt now.
Wait, I love holding you from behind. I love the way your hair feels in my mouth. I love smelling you when you're not wearing cologne.
I'm never wearing cologne again. I'm never wearing cologne again.
Are you going to talk to me after this? Are you going to talk to me?
Of course. Of course I'm going to talk to you.
Because, remember last time?
There will never be a last time, again.
Okay, your turn.
Oh, I love your skin. I love the color of it. I love how soft you feel. I love your chin. I love the little bit of hair by your belly button. I love the way your skin turns red. I love your ears. I love your eyes, I always wanted blue eyes. I tried blue contacts once, but everyone said I was trying to be white. I wasn't trying to be white. I am white. I was white. I mean I am white, and I am black, and why is everyone so stupid and racist? I've never said that before.
But I've always thought it. No, not when I was little. But once I realized.
Once you realized what?
Once I realized I wasn't white.
Sean thought you were Asian.
I told him I was Asian. Can I take your pants off?
Let's do it at the same time. Okay, first the button. Now, unzip. Now, start to pull down. Okay, bend your knees. Slowly. Okay, yes. Let them fall to the floor. Okay, kiss me. Step forward. Yes, we did it.
What about underwear? Your underwear?
Okay, let's switch. Turn around. Okay, hand me yours and I'll hand you mine. Turn around again.
You look good in briefs.
You look good in boxer briefs.
I feel fat.
You're not fat. You’re really hot. Can I put my hands in your underwear?
Can I put my hands in yours? I mean mine.
Underneath your balls.
On your thighs. Yeah, I remember you liked that. I remember that from last time.
What else do you remember?
I remember you liked it when I held you from behind.
How did you know?
Because your breathing changed. Your body got softer. It was like we were one body. I like holding you that way. Can I do it again? See. Your breathing. That's the first thing. And then you lean back. And I've got you. I could hold you like this forever.
Will you? Will you hold me like this?
Oh, this feels so good. I love holding you like this. Can I kiss your neck? I love the taste of your skin. I want to give you a massage. I want to give you a massage sometime.
That sounds nice.
I want to give you a massage, and then I want to lie on top of you and hold you, just like this.
Definitely. We can do that right now. Or, after we take a shower.
Right, the shower. You were going to show me the shower. That's why we’re here.
Maybe we should get in bed first, and take a shower afterwards.
I just want to keep holding you.
Let's go in the bedroom. Here, take my hand. Oh, let me pull the curtains shut. I guess we don't want everyone to see.
I want everyone to see.
That's hot. That's really hot.
I know. Don't worry. The curtains are shut. Should we turn the light on?
Yes. I want to see you.
Okay, take my underwear off. I mean, take your underwear off me.
Take your underwear off me.
Tell me what you want to do, again.
Lie down. I want to give you a massage. Oh, this comforter is so soft.
I know. But should we pull it back? And get under the covers?
Here. You lean back. You lean back, and I'll sit on top of you.
You want me to lean back?
Yes. I want to see you. I want to see you the whole time.
Oh, my shoulders. That feels good. Kiss me.
Can I tell you something?
I think I'm getting hard.
That's okay. I don't think I'm going to get hard. I'm too high.
That's okay. I just wanted you to know. We don't have to do anything.
I want to. I want to see it. That's hot. That's really hot. Can I suck your dick?
Only if you want to.
I want to. I really want to.
That feels so good. Mattilda, that feels so good. You're so beautiful. I love watching your face with my dick in your mouth. Is that okay, is it okay that I'm saying this?
Yes, yes, can I ask to do you something?
Will you smack my face with your dick?
Will you kiss me first? I wish I could kiss you the whole time. Can I suck your dick?
I'm not hard.
That's like that. Okay.
I don't know if I'll like it when I'm not hard.
You can try. You can try, and I'll see if I like it. Oh, yeah, that does feel good, that does feel really really really good. Oh, that's so hot. You're so hot. Put your hands on my chest. Let me suck on your fingers. Let me kiss you again. I love feeling your whole body on top of me.
I'm not too heavy?
No, this is great. Hold me, hold me like you were talking about.
Let me sit on your lap. Can I sit on your lap? Oh, this feels so good.
Can I tell you something?
I really want to fuck you.
I don't have to. I don't have to fuck you.
How did you get so hard? How did you get so hard on X?
It's because of you. It's because you're so hot.
Do you think you'll stay hard? I mean do you think you'll stay hard in a condom? I get nervous. I get nervous because of — no, never mind.
No, tell me.
I don't want to ruin it.
You won't. You can't. You can't ruin it. Kiss me. Kiss me again.
I get nervous because of my father. Do you know what I mean?
I know what you mean.
Are you sure?
Sean told me. Sean told me about your father. It's okay.
I like it when you hold me in your arms. Can we do that again?
We can do that all night long. I mean all day.
What time is it?
10:30. 10:30 am. Is your clock right?
It's 32 minutes fast.
Then we have an extra 32 minutes.
I want you to fuck me.
Are you sure?
As long as you won't get scared tomorrow, and never talk to me again. Because I'm a whore.
Don't say that word.
I like that word.
Oh. Do you think I'm a whore?
No, I mean literally. Maybe you're a slut, but you're not a whore.
Do you think I'm a slut?
I don't know. Maybe. Do you want to be a slut?
Maybe. Maybe when I'm with you.
Well, you're with me now.
Then I guess I'm a slut.
Let me suck your dick again. I can't believe how hard you are. It's like magic. Hold me again. Hold me from behind. Just like that. I want you to fuck me just like that. Let me get a condom. Okay, make sure there aren't any air bubbles. This lube is really good. It’s called Liquid Silk.
It feels like silk.
Yeah, do it really slowly – oh, wow, wow, that feels so good. Kiss me. Yeah, fuck me. Yeah.
Can I tell you something?
What is it? Yeah, that feels so good. Oh, I feel like I'm coming, but I'm not even hard.
I feel like I'm coming, and I am hard.
Are you? Are you coming?
No. Not yet.
Oh, hold me, hold me again.
Can I get on top of you, and fuck you from behind, really hard, with my hands around you the whole time?
Yeah, yeah, let's do that, but don't pull out. Don't pull out, and let's do that. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, pull out when you're about to come, okay?
Okay, yeah, okay, oh, I love you. No, I didn't say that. Forget I said that.
It's okay. But not because you’re fucking me, though, right?
No, not because you're fucking me.
Oh, wow, oh.
I think I'm going to come.
Yeah, yeah, come inside me. No, pull out, pull out and come on my back. No, come inside me, okay?
Are you sure?
As long as the condom doesn't break.
Okay, let me pull out.
No, I want to feel it. Yeah, keep holding me, yeah. Oh that's so hot oh, oh. Did you come?
Yeah. Let me pull out. Where should I put the condom?
Here, let me take it. Kiss me. Oh, that was so hot. I hope we can do that again. I hope you'll call me this time.
I'll call you this time. I promise. This won't be like last time. Last time I didn't fuck you.
Oh, is that the only reason?
No, no. This time we're friends. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't call you last time. Can I tell you something?
What is it?
I really like you. I really like you a lot.
I like you too.
Should we take a shower?
Oh, the shower — yes, the shower. Or, maybe a bath. Should we take a shower, or a bath?
We took a bath earlier.
Was that today? Oh, that was today. Oh, yes, the shower. Come here.
Do you want to smoke some pot first?
Oh, yes, pot. You're turning into a pothead. Oh, wait — we can’t open the blinds, because it's light out. We can’t smoke with the windows closed. Should we wait until we get to Sean’s? Or, okay — how about this? We could smoke in the laundry room, and blow the smoke into the washing machine, and then before it comes out, pour detergent in and run the laundry. Do you think that would work? Or, never mind — let's just smoke in Ned's room, but make sure you lean your head all the way out the window, okay?
Okay. I just need a little bit. I'm worried I'm starting to crash. I need some pot, or coke, and Sean has all the coke.
No, don't say that.
Don't say you're starting to crash. Let’s smoke pot. In Ned's room. Okay, come with me.
It's cold with the window open.
I know, I know, soon we’ll be in the shower.
Do you have any coke?
Oh, coke — I don't want to do coke right now.
Okay, I guess there's later. There's always later. I don't need coke yet. I was just thinking about it, because I'm always thinking about it.
Do you do a lot of coke?
I don't know. The same as you. Or Sean.
Sean does a lot more than me. I mean I do coke every day, but not a lot. Except when I'm with Sean.
Me too. Like coffee. Maybe a gram day. Except when I'm with Sean.
A gram a day? That's a lot.
Do you think so?
I don't know. Let's take a shower. Oh, the shower — why didn't I think of this before?
Why doesn't every shower have three shower heads?
That's what I've been wondering. Can I tell you something?
You sound like me.
Wait — you sound like me. But can I tell you something?
Yes. You’ve turned me into a pothead, and now you sound like me. What did you want to tell me?
I can't remember — oh, this water feels so good.
Can I kiss you again?
Yes, yes, kiss me anytime you want. Oh, that feels so good. Look at the light. Oh, the light. Try this one right here, here, let's trade places, yeah, isn't that great? I just want to stay here for the rest of my life. Is that okay?
I like it here. We could set up a little bed in the corner. Room service for all our meals.
Yes, room service. What would you order?
Maybe a banana.
That's just the first thing I thought of. I like how warm it is in here. With you.
I think I might be getting too warm. Give me another hug. I'm going to dry off. Oh — it's 11:30. We should hurry up and get dressed. Or, that's okay, I'll call Sean. I'll call Sean, and tell her we’re running late. I'll go downstairs, and clean everything up. Ned is coming home soon. We should leave before he gets here.
I can help.
No, that's okay, it's just a few things. I'll see you downstairs. Have fun. Have fun in the shower.
I'll miss you.
I'll miss you too.
Can I ask you something?
What is it?
Can I borrow a shirt? Mine’s all sweaty.
Oh, yes, let me pick something out for you. How about a sweater? Something soft. Something really soft. I'll be downstairs.