That feeling of energy going into my body, tingling from inside: I don’t know if I really noticed this before. Like when I’m drinking a bowl of dulse broth and the warming from inside. Or doing feldenkrais movements and suddenly it’s like the pathways inside me open up. Sometimes on a walk in a cool breeze. Or even now, sitting at the computer, if I notice the wind blowing around my calves, suddenly there’s more breath.
But then I’m outside, and already I’m too exhausted to reach down to pick up a good luck penny, what if I can’t get back up off the ground? An awakening; a shutting down. When George W. Bush was president I laughed a lot. Yes, I was laughing in horror, but at least I was laughing. I’m in the park: if I listen carefully enough, maybe the sound of the chirping birds will drown out the leaf blowers.