One consistent failure of safer sex messages is that they tend to individualize safety—communal safety is rarely invoked. And perhaps one of the reasons that communal visions of intimacy through sexual safety/risk-taking don’t seem possible, is that focus on individual safety in safer sex messaging. When I wake up and listen to a track that goes freedom freedom freedom freedom, and think maybe, this might be a good day. But then I’m trying to remember that feeling, and I can’t. If I lie down, will I ever get up?
In my dream, I
pick up a copy of Why
Are Faggots So Afraid of Faggots and I realize something is different. Wait, it’s
a biography of H.P. Lovecraft, but at least the cover is still pink, and it
still says faggot. I’m on my way to a reading which is crowded way before it
starts, always a good sign until someone accosts me to argue about gay marriage
so I go to the bathroom. This person was holding the book, but she’d put a
different cover over the cover, so she didn’t have to look at the word faggot.
The good thing about this dream is that even though I go to the bathroom, my father
isn’t there, and so it’s stressful, but there isn’t any horror. When I get back
in the main part of the store for my reading, the space has grown but people are
Since I don’t know
anything about H.P. Lovecraft, I can only assume that his appearance on my book
cover is because of his name. And it’s true, if more people could see love as a
craft, rather than instinct, we would be in a much better place.