Friday, December 12, 2014

All you need

But just as I leave the house, when I’m walking through Tashkent, the little park of dirt and dogshit, someone comes rushing up to me and says I hope this doesn’t sound weird, but I saw you on the bus the other day, and I really liked the way you dress. No, that doesn’t sound weird at all. He looks like the awkward best friend from one of those movies in the ‘80s except he was probably born in the ‘90s, in a month he’s flying to Bangkok to travel through Southeast Asia because he doesn’t know what he’s going to do.

And then, as I’m getting closer to the real park, Volunteer, don’t ask how it got that name because it’s not pretty, I mean the park is pretty but not the story of his name in honor of the volunteers in the Spanish-American War when the US solidifying its role in the imperialism, but just as I’m getting closer to the park I hear someone saying hell-lo! I look over, a woman with curly gray hair in a sleek silver car, slowing down to stop the car behind her, and I think she’s going to ask for directions, but instead she says YOU. LOOK. FABULOUS.

And then I get a rush through my body, this is what I’m looking for, this feeling of feeling what’s going on inside, me, and then at the end of the walk, when I’m getting closer to home, tired now, looking in at the yoga boutique to see a black tank top with shiny copper lettering that says, wait, I can’t remember, one of those yoga slogans, fill in the blank, next to tie-dye print hotpants, and a blue sweatshirt reading LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED, because really all you need is this sweatshirt. And I could get really sad, and ask: when someone commits suicide because they cannot exist in the world as it is, is this a hate crime? I mean I do get really sad.

Still, I’m looking for love, and finding presence. No, I’m looking for presence, and finding presence.

1 comment:

magglio3 said...

<3 I bet you truly did look fabulous! I love your blog.