Wednesday, September 10, 2014

A new direction

Oh, no—I just read a review of one of those books everyone who thinks they’re everyone is reading. Of course, it “signals a new direction in American fiction.” Must be the wrong direction. Can you give me directions? I’m looking for THE NEW DIRECTION IN AMERICAN FICTION. Yes, right over there by the drone factory. Yes, my next book will be called THE NEW DIRECTION IN AMERICAN FICTION. I got a big advance. This book will be 1776 pages glued together by sperm. The follow-up to THE NEW DIRECTION IN AMERICAN FICTION will be called BIG ADVANCE, and it will be EVEN BIGGER. Did I mention I saw my next-door neighbors in the park the other day? I think they were preparing for a birthday party. They looked right at me, so I waved. They turned around. Wait, did you say that President Obama just gave a speech on THE NEW DIRECTION IN AMERICAN FICTION? Pretty soon I’m gonna need an agent for my agent.