Sunday, December 28, 2014

Denial

      
Is it safe to wear red and green yet? Some people talk to their kids like they talk to their dogs, and some people talk to their dogs like they talk to their kids. When a dog is wearing a bandanna, does this mean it’s trying to cover up its hair, or is it an anarchist?

People with off-leash dogs, dogs with off-leash people. But there’s one place in my mouth where something always gets stuck, and I’m not talking about language. One thing about language is that sometimes it hurts. Or, it doesn’t hurt, and then you do. I can't tell if this dog is wearing argyle ironically. But I was trying to tell you about this place in my mouth where food gets stuck, how it hurts when I try to get the food out, I can poke with a toothpick or floss but sometimes I pull out too much pain, this is a metaphor, my rotting flesh.
        
Confession: the only good metaphor is a dead metaphor. One problem with meeting new people is that they don’t call you back and then you have to meet new people. But am I still a good person if I put the dishes away when they’re not quite dry?
 
Ouch—I lifted out the drain strainer, and it cut me. But I’m almost not late to therapy. I hope my therapist isn’t going to ask me to listen to his feelings. When I was a kid, I made up happy lyrics for sad songs. This is called denial.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Generosity


Someone just said this about David Lynch: “He’s extremely generous with what he’s willing to show about himself.” That’s generosity? Help! There’s a dog in the park wearing a Burberry coat, but how do I know if it’s real? This dog does have its nose up in the air, but I think it’s looking for squirrels. Is the Burberry plaid really necessary? Sometimes I wonder whose life this is, oh mine. 100% of historians agree that they don’t agree with 100% of historians.

Friday, December 12, 2014

All you need

But just as I leave the house, when I’m walking through Tashkent, the little park of dirt and dogshit, someone comes rushing up to me and says I hope this doesn’t sound weird, but I saw you on the bus the other day, and I really liked the way you dress. No, that doesn’t sound weird at all. He looks like the awkward best friend from one of those movies in the ‘80s except he was probably born in the ‘90s, in a month he’s flying to Bangkok to travel through Southeast Asia because he doesn’t know what he’s going to do.

And then, as I’m getting closer to the real park, Volunteer, don’t ask how it got that name because it’s not pretty, I mean the park is pretty but not the story of his name in honor of the volunteers in the Spanish-American War when the US solidifying its role in the imperialism, but just as I’m getting closer to the park I hear someone saying hell-lo! I look over, a woman with curly gray hair in a sleek silver car, slowing down to stop the car behind her, and I think she’s going to ask for directions, but instead she says YOU. LOOK. FABULOUS.


And then I get a rush through my body, this is what I’m looking for, this feeling of feeling what’s going on inside, me, and then at the end of the walk, when I’m getting closer to home, tired now, looking in at the yoga boutique to see a black tank top with shiny copper lettering that says, wait, I can’t remember, one of those yoga slogans, fill in the blank, next to tie-dye print hotpants, and a blue sweatshirt reading LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED, because really all you need is this sweatshirt. And I could get really sad, and ask: when someone commits suicide because they cannot exist in the world as it is, is this a hate crime? I mean I do get really sad.

Still, I’m looking for love, and finding presence. No, I’m looking for presence, and finding presence.

Thursday, December 04, 2014

Loss prevention

As protests erupt across the country for Eric Garner, I watch a white guy tackle a black guy to the ground outside my local co-op. Holds him down on the cement and handcuffs him. He tells me this is “loss prevention.” But whose loss? I’m told that the policy of the co-op is only to confront people in “extreme” cases, like when more than $20 is at stake, maybe a bottle of liquor, this manager tells me. So the unionized cooperative grocery store thinks it’s okay to tackle someone to the ground for stealing a bottle of liquor? Whose loss is being prevented? Why is the co-op selling liquor anyway? Sounds like a loss of integrity. I know co-op members voted to sell liquor, but did they know they were also voting to tackle people to the ground and send them to jail for petty theft? Throwing someone in jail for stealing from the co-op doesn’t sound to me like the values of a co-op.